He Came Running -- Because He Was Waiting

In my quiet time this morning, I was listening to this song. The message really touched me.

As I was listening, two images came to my mind, images that surely portray our Heavenly Father’s love and grace towards us.

When my children were younger, and I had been away, either in the field while in the Army, or later-after the divorce, when I came to visit, they would always run to me for hugs and kisses. They wanted to know that I still loved them and to let me know that they still loved me. Sadly, due to intervening events and the passage of time, some of those relationships have been crushed. Yet, looking down the road that passes over the hills of the past, I wait and I hope, trusting that one day those from whom I am separated will be seen coming over the hill and down the road, so that I can once again run to them and be re-united.

The second image, a parable told by Jesus, is that of a father, whose younger son has left home with the intent of never returning. The father never gives up hope, and though going on with life as usual, keeps watching for the return of his son. The son lives for years in a distant land and squanders his wealth, so much so, that he finally realizes he has blown it. BIG TIME. He cannot find a job anywhere and has lost all hope. He is at the point where he realizes that his only slim hope of survival is to return home to the father he had insulted and turned his back on, and to ask to be taken on as a slave or hired servant at minimum wage.

As the son grudges despondently towards his father’s house (he can no longer think of it as home), the father is watching that road coming over the hill, as he has every single day since the son walked over it years before. When the father sees his son crest the hill, he drops what he is doing and runs to meet his son. The father hugs his son and, when the son asks for a job as a laborer, the father refuses. Instead, he fully welcomes the son back into the family and throws the party of the year to celebrate.

While in my case the separation is not due to the actions of the children, but those of the parents, I know God is able to restore and look expectantly towards that day.

But in the parable, the father is God, and the prodigal is me, and you. And God waited YEARS for me to return, and rejoiced with all the angels when I did. And He is waiting for others to do the same. And there are still days when I still wander of, not at great distances, but wander I do, and He waits patiently for me to turn around and come back. And each time He comes running.

And there are times when I go running to Him, just for the joy of being in His presence.

Won’t you join me as I run to Him, and HE runs to US?!?

I must admit that I am one of those Christians who, when I am focused, reads a lot of Christian-ese releases from internet sites and religious newspapers. Or used to.

I also listen to Christian radio—when I can avoid the news commentary.

I have noticed a tragic, unwritten commentary on the direction in which the church in America is headed.

Basically, there have been two types of articles—

About 15-20% (by counting them all) of the total are about Christians in foreign countries who are being persecuted and martyred for their faith in Jesus. Sounds to me a lot like the early church, and indeed, Jesus and his first followers. The result of this kind of faith is that there are many others who want to now more. This is the formula Jesus set forth. He always met peoples needs first, then spoke about spiritual things later to those who were willing to sit and listen. (Judging by the accounts in the Bible, if we were to consider the numbers of people who came to see him; what we know about our human nature; and the relevant brevity of his recorded individual discourses, one could reasonably conclude that he spent noticeably more time meeting needs than talking.)

The other 80-85% of articles are focused on happenings in the United States. They center on legal battles set forth by the church to demand and secure our rights; moralistic protests against abortion, homosexuality, and other “evils”; and internal battles to keep “those people” (I think they meant me and you) from running (or in some minds ruining) the church, ie: the recent United Methodist Conference.

It hit me quite hard the one night, this latter set of articles.

WHAT does any of this have to do with the real Jesus?

What gives us the right to force on people the very things GOD CHOSE TO GIVE US A CHOICE ABOUT?

Or what makes us think today, that we can write, implement and enforce laws and legal strategies to protect, at the socio-political level, something that can only exist at the individual, spiritual level—where human law will not, should not and can never reach?

NO laws or court decisions can mandate a single human being to make the decision God ASKS of them and then ALLOWS them to make of THEIR OWN FREE WILL

Jesus was, is, always will reign supreme as KING of the universe.

Jesus himself universally and summarily avoided ANY ASSOCIATION with the socio-political aspects of this world. He declined, on every occasion, to either support OR oppose the Roman government or the secular government of Palestine.

The ONLY leaders he DID focus his attention on were the spiritual leaders of the Jewish people who were, in effect, leading the people astray.

He could have, and still could if he chooses, spoken a word and any part (like national socio-political establishments) or the whole of creation would cease to exist.

But He DIDN’T do that.

Someday He will.

But he HASN’T done it yet.

He could have commanded his release instead of being crucified.

But he CHOSE not to.

He could have overthrown all of the earthly kingdoms, not just pushed the Romans out of Israel.

But He DIDN’T.

He HAS the POWER to make each of us do His will.

But He CHOOSES NOT TO.

Why not?

Because He wants us to RELATE to Him FROM OUR OWN CHOICE, where we are.

God will NEVER take away our freedom to make that choice. The Bible relates that Jesus cried when he looked at Jerusalem and saw so many people rejecting the choice God had given them.

For God to allow a completely free choice, He has chosen to allow us to make any number of other choices, constraining Himself from any intervention in personal actions, unless and until He is asked to do so by individuals involved.

He therefore allows the myriad of other choices our human creativity produces. The vast majority of these other choices ARE NOT what He hopes they would be.

They often involve persecuting Him and His church. Others involve allowing society to chose governments that do not worship Jesus. In fact, no government can worship Jesus as this can only be done from the individual heart.

SO what is my beef? The church in America has failed and is failing, in public, the very people it is supposed to reach.

We fight against the persecution and human nature in courts of law, legislative bodies and courts of public opinion. JUST like all Americans are allowed to do. Racing headlong through a worldly maze, looking for the cheese that only God can give to us.

But the true church stood in the face of persecution, let the worldly tsunamis wash over it and appear to wash it away.

Then, where there was once a single believer, the seeds of martyrdom germinated, and the one was replaced by many, whose faith was stronger because of the examples of those who went before.

We should welcome the persecution as a sign that we are making a difference. AND we should accept it so that fighting it does not take time and resources away from reaching out to those who need our help the most.

The church that Jesus planted is supposed to stand out, reach out, and speak out FROM the midst of the masses, while meeting their extensive needs.

Standing in the halls of power and preaching moralisms, fighting for protection from persecution, and allowing, even actively pushing, millions who do not follow specific rules to face eternal damnation is failure of cataclysmic proportions.

The relevance of the church is measured in individual lives and individual events. The power of the Gospel burns in individual lives and individual events. AND these individual lives and individual events spontaneously explode into a collective result that change an individual, a community, and a world.

The reverse can not happen. In fact, the reverse is the biblical description of the rise if Antichrist in apocalyptic scripture.

Thus, martyr by martyr, family by family, and village by village the church grows in Afghanistan, in China, in Namibia, in Pakistan, in India, in the Koreas, in Burma, in Nepal, in Iran, and in other lesser known corners of the world. Simultaneously, law suit by law suit, law by law, and condemnation by condemnation, the church in America slides into spiritual insignificance.

The Dawning of A New Day

When I originally posted this in the Southern Arizona Gender Alliance yahoo discussion group, it was titled “Coming Out…All Over Again, and Opening Doors Long Shut.” But the title above is more accurate on the nature of my journey.

Please pray for me to remain faithful and strong as I follow the path laid out before me.

On October 17, I presented a discussion on the intersection of the Bible and TLBG, titled “Did the Bible REALLY Say THAT?” to about 25 attendees at the newly launched TransForm Arizona conference. It was the last step in sealing for me the realization that I needed to take the next big step in my transition.

Transition is an odd thing. And we seem to consider it as principally OUR own experience, and specifically about our TRANSGENDER experience. But transition is really a life experience, that is way more intense for some (notably us) and barely noticeable for others. It is, however, a common experience for everyone, and it is hopefully a lifelong process of growth.

It throws our lives into total chaos. It can consume us if we let it. It can, however, also re-make us, and compel us along a path we would have been afraid to follow had we chosen NOT to step into the refining cauldron.

This may not be true for everyone, but for me it is an unalterable, and newly compelling, truth.

I am, today, more capable and more confident than at any time in my life. Why? Because I have allowed myself to find out who I am, and in so doing have allowed my God to re-make me into who He has called me to be. And I have very recently chosen to accept some of the responsibility that has come with that gift.

To ease the suspense, the Coming Out All Over Again means that I am now ready to openly let it be known to all those who do not know, that I am a Christian. And I have accepted the probability that that realization may put me in an odd position of having my feet in two communities that consider each other to be anathema, and are, themselves, separated from the mainstream of our culture

Opening Doors Long Shut has to do with my “Year Of Silence” several years ago, where Erin, the Energizer Bunny, suddenly disappeared without explanation. The two, Out All Over Again and Opening Doors, are in fact inexorably linked, and bring me to where I am today…the next step in my transition—not directly in terms of gender, but on the continuum of personal growth.

When I was five or six, I had a dream that has stuck in my memory clearly for almost half a century. I talked to my grandmother about it the next morning, and she told me that sometimes dreams help to show us the pathway for our lives. I still have the impression that at that moment, I knew I had a destiny to serve, and fight for, others. I told my ex-wife about this when we were first dating, and have shared it with only a few others in my life.

Over the years, I have not forgotten that dream, yet, it has been decades since I believed it would ever really amount to anything.

Twenty years ago, while I was serving as an Company Commander an Army, I was outed as a “cross dresser”; my career, and my life, shattered into a thousand pieces, blown to the corners of the earth by the unforgiving and uncaring wind. In that moment, my marriage crumbled to dust, and I all but gave up on finding work that matched my abilities.

It was at that time, when I felt like I was whale poop in the Marianas Trench, I began to feel that God was calling me to something. I was pretty sure at that point He wanted me to start a church, and many of the people around me felt the same way…but first we all felt I needed to defeat the cross dressing problem in my life (no one, especially me, wanted to admit that it could be anything more elemental, like being transgender) . I tried. I REALLY tried. Then, I tried with everything I had. And I tried again. And again. To no avail.

But I could not shake the feeling that God wanted me to do something for him. And to do it among people who would not be accepted through the doors of most churches. But I did not know who.

In January of 2000, I quit fighting against myself. I turned to God and told him that I was transsexual (BOY was He surprised…yeah. right.), and that I had run out of ways to fight against it. I told Him that it was time for me to find out what that side of me was all about, and that I would stop if He made it go away, but if He did not, I was going to find out who I was. Over the past almost decade, I have been more than mildly surprised to find that He was there with me all the way, and helping me to make the steps I needed to take. He has taught me a lot about myself, the world, and Him through my journey.

One lesson I had to learn was to be patient and wait for things to unfold over time, rather than running off to make things happen in my own time. Those who know me, know that I can generate a lot of energy around a cause, and charge off to try to accomplish the impossible, not realizing that it might not be time, or it might not fit the need of those around me.

Four or five years ago, on the Sunday of Memorial Day week-end, while I was praying at a conference called “Spiritfest” in Dallas, God ask me if I was willing to die for Him in some obscure foreign land…to which I, as a good little Christian should, promptly answered yes, and meant it. He then ask me if I was willing to give all I had for Him. I could not answer anywhere near as quickly or positively. But I did answer yes, again, because that is what any good little Christian is supposed to do, give up everything for God (now you may see why so many good little Christians have so many problems—they are so busy chasing the “should” they miss what God REALLY wants). And, again, I meant it, though it filled me with trepidation. And here, I missed a subtle point…God was asking me to give Him ALL I had; He was NOT asking me to GIVE UP anything.

I was sure I knew what He meant. I was miserable, but within a couple months I began the process of transitioning back to the male role I so utterly hated. Again, for those who have known me a while, this is when I disappeared into what I call my silent year. I failed miserably. I was suicidal, and I was useless. But it was in this period of time, that I began to truly understand how much God really did not care about what I looked like and what His plan was for me.

Until now I have not talked about that period much, and many people think it was something imposed by my church. The truth is that I was not pushed, compelled or required by the church to do anything along those lines. I was the one who got it wrong and went chasing hell for leather after a mirage.

But, I learned. I learned to be patient, and to hold myself back and to try to keep the horses and the cart in the proper order. While I am not always successful, even now, I am also a bit less petulant.

My journey is far from over. Just the opposite, it is just getting interesting. I now know that God was asking me to step out of all my closets and out from behind my many masks. He has been asking all along for me to simply be myself and trust him…this is what He meant when he ask me if I would give all I had…that I would trust Him to place me where I was the most effective, and for him to direct my paths and efforts; and for me to allow Him to protect me, rather than doing it myself.

And Now, I have been given an opportunity to move the vision forward, to start the task God has called me to, with the blessing of the church I have attended for most of my transition.

And so it is that I announce the formation of Adullam Church, here in Tucson, beginning November 8th, at 2:00 PM MST in the fellowship hall of Cornerstone Fellowship, at 2902 North Geronimo Ave, Tucson, AZ.

The church has a Facebook Group, Adullam Church, which is open to anyone wishing to join. And we will soon have a Blog and a website.

Adullam Church is to be a place where anyone, but especially those ignored or ostracized by other churches, is welcome to come and to seek an understanding of what Biblical Christianity is, and who Jesus is. In a wilderness place called Adullam, David hid from Saul, and the outcasts flocked to him because they realized that David was the man chosen by God for that time, and they left that place radically changed, not into elitists, but into a group of champions for the rest of the oppressed in their region. At Adullam Church our goal is to provide the same opportunity for people to meet Jesus and have their lives turned around in a powerful way.

Adullam is not your mother’s church. It is not your father’s church. It is not even your brother or sister’s church. It is simply God’s church, and I hope it will be different. Everyone is welcome, and all are invited. You do not have to be Christian to come, just interested in giving Christianity one more chance

A Scientist Confronts God

I found a little story recently in the ancient recesses of my computer. I hope you can handle a bit of humor...


The scientist approached God and said, "Listen, we've decided we no longer
need you. Nowadays, we can clone people, transplant hearts and do all kinds of
things that were once considered miraculous."

God patiently heard him out, and then said, "All right. To see whether or not
you still need me, why don't we have a man-making contest?"

"Okay, great!" the scientist replied excitedly.

"Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam,"
God said.

"That's fine by me," replied the scientist, "we've figured that part out." and he bent to scoop up a handful of dirt.

"Whoa!" God said, shaking his head in disapproval.

"Not so fast, pal...FIRST, you have to create your own universe!"

THE ADVOCATE

NOTE THE READER: The original concept for this piece is not my own. But the message is worth sharing. The whole of the concept for the analogy, and at least 50% of the content of the piece originally appeared several years ago as an anonymous piece in an open forum on the Internet. It has been sitting in my computer archives for about seven years and in that time I have changed computers and software several times so that all original citations have been lost. Over the course of that time I have added to it and re-ordered some of the original details, but the integrity of the message remains intact. I would like to thank the original author for broadly sowing the seeds of such a wonderful analogy of how God the Father and God the Son interact surrounding the key points of individual salvation. If the original author happens to read this and recognizes their significant contribution in this work, I would be excited to acknowledge you in this forum.

After living a "decent" life, his time on earth came to an end. The man sat on a bench in the waiting room of what he thought to be a courthouse.

The doors opened and he was instructed to enter and have a seat by the defense table. As he looked around he saw the prosecutor. He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at the man. He definitely was the most evil person the man had ever seen.

The man sat down and looked to his left where his own advocate sat--a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed familiar. The corner door flew open. The judge appeared in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. The man could not take his eyes off of the Judge. As the Judge took his seat behind the bench, he said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell."
He proceeded to tell of lies that the man told, things he had stolen, and when he had cheated others. The prosecutor told of other horrible things that were once part of the man’ life. The more the prosecutor spoke the further down in his seat the man sank. He was so ashamed and guilty he couldn't look at anyone, even his own advocate. The prosecutor told of sins he had completely forgotten about.

Though he was angry at the prosecutor for presenting all these accusations about him, the man knew the y were true, and that he could not deny them here in this courtroom. , He was equally confused as to why his advocate sat there silently and did not offer any form of defense.

He knew he had been guilty of those things, but he had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least mitigate some part of the guilt?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man is guilty of all counts. There is not a person who can prove otherwise. The law demands DEATH, he BELONGS in hell.

With that, the prosecutor sat down and cackled with glee, anticipating an easy victory.

Now that it was his turn, the mans Advocate rose. He looked at His client and asked, “Will you TRUST Me?”

The man somberly nodded and whispered, “Yes.”

The Advocate approached bench, and addressed the court over the strong objections of Satan. As the Advocate rose and started walking to the front of the courtroom, the man was able to see Him in his full splendor and majesty for the first time.

He realized why he seemed so familiar.

It was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.

The Advocate stopped at the bench and addressed the judge.

"Hi, Dad."

He then turned to address the courtroom.

"Satan is correct in saying that this man was a sinner. The defense will not deny ANY of these allegations. This man IS guilty, and Satan is correct, the wage of sin is death. Under our law this man absolutely deserves to be punished."

The Advocate paused.

He took a deep breath.

Then he turned to the Judge, and with outstretched arms, proclaimed, "HOWEVER, he has accepted ME as his Savior, Redeemer and Lord, so he is mine. I died on the cross to pay for each and every count that the prosecution has presented. Now, this man has been made my brother. He has been adopted by My Father. He has been made a member of the royal family and has been given eternal life."

Satan raised many objections, all of which the Judge over-ruled.

The Advocate continued, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from me. The prosecutor still does not understand – While it IS TRUE that the LAW and JUSTICE demand condemnation upon the establishment of guilt, I have already accepted that condemnation and by MY BLOOD I have purchased mercy."

The Advocate returned to the defense table and stood beside His seat. He quietly paused, looked at his Father, the Judge; then at Satan, the accuser, "There is nothing else that needs to be done. There is nothing else that CAN be done. IT IS FINISHED. Completed. Done."

The judge proclaimed to the courtroom, “The court finds the defendant GUILTY AS CHARGED. The sentence is death, but his penalty has already been paid in full. This man is free to enter his eternal reward. The case is closed."

As the man was leaving, he stopped to observe as another man appeared and the prosecutor presented much the same case.

Again, when the prosecution rested, the Advocate asked the defendant, “Will you TRUST Me?”

This time the answer was, No thank you, I can handle this, I have been good all my life and the judge will understand this.

The advocate stood for a moment and said, “Father, the defendant chooses to provide his own defense and chooses not to accept my representation.” He then sat down.

The defendant rose and stepped forward. As he did so, he heard the gavel come down on the bench and the Judge proclaim, ““The court finds the defendant GUILTY AS CHARGED. The sentence is death and will be executed immediately, He has chosen not to accept that His penalty has already been paid in full “

The first man asked the advocate how He could so easily allow this last case to be lost. The Advocate lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has COME to me and ASKED me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, Paid in Full. But everyone who has rejected the offer has received a quick execution of sentence.”

How about YOU, reader?

When you stand before the Bar of eternity, whom will you rely on?

Will you trust in your own ability and good works?

OR, will you trust in the Advocate, who has already paid your penalty in full?

Faith as a Child

Jesus Loves me…This I know
Because the Bible tells me so

Little ones to HIM belong
I am weak, but HE is strong.

Simple.

Childish.

Faith.

Unless our faith is like that of a child, we will find it hard to enter the Kingdom of God.

The Kingdom which is at hand, no less.

So,

A child:
..Trusts.
..Accepts.
..Unconditionally loves.
..Believes.
..Uninhibited.
..Unfettered.

Children who adore their parents do not fear them, it never even enters their mind.
Children who have loving parents do not worry about whether they are good enough or not, because no matter what, they are.

Loving families nurture each other and treat each other as equals, with different roles and do not trade love for…well for anything.
A loving family is a place of safety, warmth and encouragement.
Discipline in a loving family is not punishment but education; it encourages rather than disheartens, builds up the spirit rather than destroys the soul.
Children in a loving family are free to act on their imagination and their initiative. They are able to be creative rather than needing permission and instructions for each and every step they take. They are free to spread their wings and rise up to glorify their father, rather than cowering in fear that they will be crushed for some tiny unknown infraction.

This is also so with our Heavenly Father. His desire is for us to be free to love others and Him, able to soar on the wings of our imagination, aided and guided by his Spirit in accomplishing our highest dreams and loftiest goals.

But, because of our own failings and those of our earthly parents, we are not able to see the full extent of the freedom and love our Heavenly Father has extended to us, or the love He has for us.

When we fail we run and hide, rather than look to him for His assistance in overcoming our failures.

When we are depressed we hide away from the one who gives us joy unspeakable. When we cry tears of great sorrow in the darkness of night, we do not expect the morning to bring joy.

We expect that every failure will be penalized and that after so many we will lose any chance for redemption.

As we have grown into adults we have lost the simplicity of our faith in our God. That child like knowledge that our Father loves us without condition. That he wants us to succeed in our wildest dreams and that His will for us is to grow in wisdom and health. As we grow, we surrender that childlike belief in God’s goodness and grace for a more jaundiced belief that we will have to do it ourselves, and that if we fail God will get us and punish us.

God is in the education and redemption business and as long as we have breath to sing, we can repeat the simple childrens' chorus:

Jesus Loves me…This I know
Because the Bible tells me so

Little ones to HIM belong
I am weak, but HE is strong.

Simple!

Childish!!

Faith!!!!

Rule Number 1 – The Experts Are Always WRONG

As a young operations staff officer in the Army, my commander had a simple operational maxim that he posted in the operations (S-3) section and the intelligence section (S-2) of the TOC (Tactical Operations Center). It was a simple sign, in bold letters, which read, “THE FIRST REPORT IS ALWAYS WRONG!” Now he did not mean that we should, as a result, ignore the first report, but that we should put our effort into determining what the real situation was. In seeking to verify/disprove the initial report, we always received a much more detailed and verified second report, which made a tremendous impact on our ability to take appropriate action.

This is a good principal for businesses and people to follow. It can save a lot of heartache and embarrassment down the road.

It is also a good rule for Christians to follow.

My own experiences have brought this home to roost in my mind.

I was saved and received my initial training in the Bible at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor, in Belton, TX. In my studies I began to see patterns in the narrative that indicated that, taken as a whole, it was far more integrated and consistent than I had ever thought (someday I will expand on this point). In my first two weeks of classes they taught us how to study the bible. The remainder of my time there, I was taught what to believe.

One of the things I was taught was that divine healing was no longer in evidence. I was taught a great deal more, which I accepted without questioning, because the instructors were highly educated and authoritative, and I had been taught to respect the offerings of highly educated and authoritative people…but not without thinking about stuff for myself as well (it is just that at this point in time, I delayed the thinking for myself for a while).

Then, my oldest two children were born, a minute apart, about two months early. My son weighed 5# 5oz, and my daughter 4-5. My son's lungs collapsed almost immediately because he had not expressed the amniotic fluid in birth (C-Section) and would not re-inflate. He was not expected to make it through his first 24 hours. My daughter was a 50/50 chance. They both survived with no ill effects and have prospered tremendously.

I immediately knew the day after they were born that God had wrought a healing miracle as a result of my prayer. But it defied what I had been taught in school, by the Navigators and by the Army Chaplain. I had to re-evaluate my theology. I have had several more of these opportunities to witness early church miracles, and re-learn my theology. As a result, I came to the point where I realized I needed to change my approach. To do so, I adopted two additional rules of hermeneutics, what I refer to as my first and second "rules" of studying (these rules apply to any subject, but in this case I am applying them to studying the bible): (1) the experts are always wrong; and (2) I have to prove it. (Both of these "rules" are offshoots of the operational maxims quoted above. It really comes down to not taking someone else's word for anything of critical value, always verify the information. Human beings, beginning right here in front of my computer, have inherent biases of which we are totally unaware. They are each products of our life experiences, and we are aware of some of them, but not others. (My distrust for experts is one of my biases.)

Experts, whether popularly acclaimed as such, designated so by other experts, or just in their own minds, are also tinged with bias. Either their bias often comes in that the title “EXPERT” requires them to learn from other experts and accept their biases as your own, intentionally, or out of a sense of awe at the teacher who knows more than the student or so it is believed. There is a little parlor game called "Gossip" where the first person whispers something to the second who relays it to the next and so on; the last person has to repeat what they were told. If there are more than two people playing, the final version is invariably different than the original. Education is the same, sorry all you teachers, but this is true, although the distortions are mitigated by the use of text books. Experts also, for the most part, believe all the press about how wonderful they are, and how infallible they are. Sadly, almost all of these experts do often wonder about their answers, and they do fail and fall. But they are in a position where, were they to change their minds, or challenge the status quo they will have to yield up their special exalted status of experts (which is great for me, because if they were always challenging the way things are, there would be no statuses quo for me to challenge, and I would have nothing to write about.

For example, when I say the word "pet", everyone has their own image of that word. If I tell a funny story that includes a pet to an audience, but never describe what kind, or even a name for the pet, people will repeat the story and some will call it a cat, some a dog, some will name it, some will do a combination. Some will even catch on that I did not mention whether my pet was an animal, a rock, a chiapet or a gigapet, and adapt the story their own way. If I write my funny story down just as I told it, even people who read it will insert their own fillers for the incomplete information.

We do the same thing with the Bible.

Want a really good example of this?

What is it with the three kings, and the tiny little gifts they drop off at Jesus manger-cum-cradle in a stable? It sure makes a wonderful story, but the Bible tells us there were Magi (also called wise men, but not kings and no number is ever given) and that they brought three categories of gifts for a child they believed to be the next mighty king of the Jews (no sizes were mentioned, but I wonder if they would make such a long arduous trip with a couple shoe boxes worth of stuff, and where is the rest of their entourage, people did not travel that far alone, or even in a small group...I am open to discussion in another thread on the particulars, but be aware that such a discussion itself will prove the point that there is indeed personal bias in most of what we are taught). Moreover, according to the Bible, the wise men arrived some time after Jesus birth, and arrived at a HOUSE, not a stable, where Jesus is referred to as a small child, rather than a baby.

Our theology is filled with little and big insertions of bias, some of which are eternally damning to individual, flawed people seeking out the truth. They are not fatal, nor even seriously damaging to the faith because God is there holding it together. My visual on this is a military transport plane flying over hostile territory. It is hit by a bullet, which puts a small hole in the plane, but also hits and kills a passenger. The plane is only slightly damaged, a 30-minute patch job, but the passenger is dead.

As a church, we do the same thing

(To illustrate how easy bias can enter into a discussion, did anyone object to how I slipped in "mighty" to describe the king of the Jews? It is not in the text, but could be implied, depending on how you want to read the text? It could only be implied as a motive for the Magi, because at that time the king over the Jewish territory was what I would describe as a power-hungry, paranoid non-believer who was a puppet of the Romans.)

We are all CALLED (not just recommended) to study for ourselves, decide for ourselves, to listen to the Spirit ourselves and to relate to God for ourselves. We are called to believe whatever we believe FOR OURSELVES; after all, heresy is not what some other man or group of men define it as; heresy can ONLY be defined by God, and HE will tell us what that is.

The final nail in the coffin wherein I buried my former blind acceptance of Christian traditionalism was when I transitioned and discovered that God still loved me, that he still had a call on my life, and that there are strong Christians on this side of the spectrum. It is at that point I came to realize that the dogma I had been taught was built on a framework of eisigetic assumptions.

While you may wish, hope and pray that the church you are in will suddenly be open to a different reality, it's leaders are part of a closed society where to even think that there might be something amiss is heresy of the highest order.

I would pray that God allowed me to stay and gave me the avenue to challenge the hierarchy, but that is accepting the role, and calling, of a martyr. If I was unable or unwilling to face that kind of opposition and pressure, I would make plans to move on, while praying for guidance on where to go.

I would only stay there if God directed such.